Terrorists: Are They in Our Backyards?

Let's talk about squirrels baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Seriously though, I hate squirrels, rodents in general, but mainly squirrels. My good friend, the Reverend Gisher has tried to warn us that they are infiltrating our society at an alarming rate...see Less People, Less Idiots for more on this topic & others (I'd give you the direct link to the post that I am referencing but this man posts so much that you might need a bucket, a shovel, and a flashlight to find it.) He also appreciates a good Nixon photo so this picture was mainly for him! What is it about squirrels that frightens me so, you might ask? Well, think about it. What would be worse, to be attacked and killed by a lion or by a single squirrel? A lion would kill you almost instantaneously but the squirrel would torture you. I heard they use that Chinese water torture but I am sure they have a whole bag of tricks hidden in their unholy hideouts in the sky. Hopefully this thought keeps you up at night...it does for me. People need to be more proactive about squirrels in our yards. All squirrels think they own your nuts. Well they don't...this is America. You borrowed the money to purchase your house and in 30 years you might even own it. Did the squirrels do that? No, they just come into your yard whenever they deem it necessary and as their diet dictates, grab your nuts, and off they go. Sometimes they just threaten to come into your yard, hopping from tree to tree , often precariously dangling at times above your head. Do you want a squirrel to fall on your head and kill you. If so, be my guest, I don't and honestly the whole thing smacks of terrorism. Just recently I peeked out my back door and saw a squirrel picking through my wheel barrel that was full of dirt and stone. Of course he didn't ask my permission first and honestly I don't know what he was after but I bet it was something diabolical. President Bush in 2001, launched the war on terror and despite an article (see link in title) stating that this included strategic measures to root out rodents...I haven't seen the results. In fact I think this whole war in Iraq thing has distracted the president from the one true course. Believe me when I say that you will not feel safe until squirrels are eliminated altogether. First it was our nuts, but don't think that they will stop there. Go out and buy a compound bow and kill every single one of those little mofo's that you can (I'd say buy a gun & shoot them but most towns have crazy laws about you firing guns willy nilly at squirrels in your yard). Do you think the squirrels wouldn't kill you if they had the chance? Are you willing to take that risk? If we don't protect America then who will?

Next Week: Evil Bunnies, are they secretly creeping into your yard and eating plants and vegetables? Some call them cute and fuzzy...I call them thieving bastards.

PS - Playboy Bunnies do not fall into the evil bunny category as I have no proof of them ever entering my yard and eating plants and vegetables without asking first...however if I ever see that Heffner guy eating a tulip from my yard again...