The Hot Chick in a Burka of the Week

The often maligned, never forgotten post of hot chicks in burkas has returned and not a moment too soon. Now, please control yourselves as I know how excited you extremist muslims get when you are given the oppurtunity to see more than ankles on your ladies (I bet you didn't even know that we had extremist muslim readers). Peace in the North East!!!

Please see article linked in this title of a blog I just found as it excuses my insensitivity (always looking for loopholes) : The Jawa Report - where there are links to other Fatwa Worthy Blogs!

I Am Emperor of America!

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

My Moron Test Results

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

What Kind of Pirate Me BE, Argghh?

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

What Kind of Looter am I?

What kind of looter am I? You decide!
You can also

What Kind of Drunk Are You Anyway?

What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Terrorists: Are They in Our Backyards?

Let's talk about squirrels baby, let's talk about you and me, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Seriously though, I hate squirrels, rodents in general, but mainly squirrels. My good friend, the Reverend Gisher has tried to warn us that they are infiltrating our society at an alarming rate...see Less People, Less Idiots for more on this topic & others (I'd give you the direct link to the post that I am referencing but this man posts so much that you might need a bucket, a shovel, and a flashlight to find it.) He also appreciates a good Nixon photo so this picture was mainly for him! What is it about squirrels that frightens me so, you might ask? Well, think about it. What would be worse, to be attacked and killed by a lion or by a single squirrel? A lion would kill you almost instantaneously but the squirrel would torture you. I heard they use that Chinese water torture but I am sure they have a whole bag of tricks hidden in their unholy hideouts in the sky. Hopefully this thought keeps you up at night...it does for me. People need to be more proactive about squirrels in our yards. All squirrels think they own your nuts. Well they don't...this is America. You borrowed the money to purchase your house and in 30 years you might even own it. Did the squirrels do that? No, they just come into your yard whenever they deem it necessary and as their diet dictates, grab your nuts, and off they go. Sometimes they just threaten to come into your yard, hopping from tree to tree , often precariously dangling at times above your head. Do you want a squirrel to fall on your head and kill you. If so, be my guest, I don't and honestly the whole thing smacks of terrorism. Just recently I peeked out my back door and saw a squirrel picking through my wheel barrel that was full of dirt and stone. Of course he didn't ask my permission first and honestly I don't know what he was after but I bet it was something diabolical. President Bush in 2001, launched the war on terror and despite an article (see link in title) stating that this included strategic measures to root out rodents...I haven't seen the results. In fact I think this whole war in Iraq thing has distracted the president from the one true course. Believe me when I say that you will not feel safe until squirrels are eliminated altogether. First it was our nuts, but don't think that they will stop there. Go out and buy a compound bow and kill every single one of those little mofo's that you can (I'd say buy a gun & shoot them but most towns have crazy laws about you firing guns willy nilly at squirrels in your yard). Do you think the squirrels wouldn't kill you if they had the chance? Are you willing to take that risk? If we don't protect America then who will?

Next Week: Evil Bunnies, are they secretly creeping into your yard and eating plants and vegetables? Some call them cute and fuzzy...I call them thieving bastards.

PS - Playboy Bunnies do not fall into the evil bunny category as I have no proof of them ever entering my yard and eating plants and vegetables without asking first...however if I ever see that Heffner guy eating a tulip from my yard again...

Bars Gone Smokeless

Can I tell you that I went to the pub the other night after bagpipe practice and I felt and uneasiness. The beer was cold, the women hot and the conversation alive but it felt like everyone in the place was uncomfortable. It was like a Twilight Zone episode that wouldn't end. People kept disappearing for a half hour at a time. I think I hate this new law and when it was first proposed I really didn't care one way or the other. Having worked in bars a good portion of my life I just always thought that smoking went hand and hand drinking. Like two hillbilly cousin's who got married down in some trailer park in Alabama.
People in the bar seemed unable to think and the poor slobs who were so addicted to smoking who had to stand outside in the rain and cold must have some serious illnesses by now.
You would think that after all the money smokers pay in taxes and general price just to have cigs to smoke that they would be allowed to do it in peace with a beverage (white Russian) in there hands. Hell even the Dude like a smoke and a beverage now and again.
As much as I hate being trapped in a small unventilated room with smoker, I miss the atmosphere that it brings to a dank, grumpy old man bar that serves a hell of a Caucasian.
Well i guess if the Donkey can get use to it in NY then we can give it a roll here in NJ...but at least here if we hate a law for long enough the make exceptions to it that its like it never exsisted. Then again, we had a gay Gov. and nobody knew it and worse nobody cared.

Where there is NJ there is a Way!!!

I grew up in a New Jerzey town blanketed by the shadow of the great city of New York. True it is that I love NYC but what has happened to their sports teams has given me nothing but glee. We house their football teams. The fan base of the teams is compromised mainly of NJ residents...upstate NY fans root for New England teams in growing numbers. And lastly, our winter sports teams have embarrassed and kicked around NYC's sports franchises who for years tormented us. It was that torment and that superiority that New Yorkers held over the Garden State that created this current gloating situation. And I am going to enjoy it while it lasts...Last night, the Rangers choked down another poor finish. They not only got passed by the NJ Devils who won the Atlantic but they also got passed by the Philthadelphia Flygirls. That's right, you heard me. The Rangers who pretty much led the Atlantic Division from wire to wire were in first place on the last day of play during the regular season. They lost and wound up in THIRD place! The Knicks who play in that very same and very aptly named arena have been even more embarassing than the Rangers. The world's most famous arena, MSG, is home to the worst basketball team in the NBA. Simply put, they suck, bad. The NJ Nets have owned them for the last six years. Five of those six years, they have won the Atlantic Division. I can remember having to hear how great the Knicks were while I was growing up but they have only won a couple of Atlantic Division titles during my lifetime...I guess they're not so great after all, huh NYC? Oh well, there's always next year...good luck with that!!!

PS - I said Ha Ha!

















Notice that the Nets are above the Knicks & the Devils are above the Rangers...It's been that way for a while so get used to it!














If New Jersey gets a baseball team, I will remain a Mets fan but I am sure that eventually the NJ team would overtake both NY baseball teams...It's just the way it is, New Jersey Rocks. And they tend to dominate in every venue they compete with New York teams for...Click the Nets and the Devils to see where the season standing stand at the close of the NBA & NHL regular seasons.

LETS GO NEW JERSEY!

I'm More Evil Then You!!!

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

How will you die?

The Death Psychic Knows All!!!


http://www.thedeathpsychic.com

How Evil Are You? My Results...

You Are 54% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

I saw this quiz on The Boot & played along...Try this one you Yankee fans out there!

BBQ Season in Full Effect - Bring on the Weiners!

After 4 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine....
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine......
8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off". And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.......

This Public Service Announcement was brought to my attention by the major playa' over at the Aurora - Senor Donkeyhue

Click the link in the title if you wanna learn mo' about BBQ. For real though you gots to checka check this site out...and by all means, Ask the MeatMan!

Its time to give the real devil her due

Today I gave the real devil her due...The I.R.S. This devil is a greedy bitch that not only takes her share on a stick of gum but on a shot of whiskey. She out ranks me in the evil chain of command downstairs. Do you know how hard it is to make money when its legal and then this cold hearted son of a bitch comes out of no-where and sticks her hand in my pocket and not in a good way. I know all you smokers I see shoveling coal in the fire in purgatory know what I'm talking about.
Taxes are killing me, cant I get an Underworld Boss discount...Nooo.
When is that life sucking bitch gonna stop taking and start giving, like a good woman should. We should at least get a free case of beer out of this deal, although she would probally want to talk to us while were drinking it and ruin all the fun it would bring. At least baseball has started and maybe I will get to see a game live sooner or later.
I need to find a sugar momma who likes angry, sarcastic, shanty potatoe eatin bastards like myself, but good women like that are hard to keep for more the a night or two. And the others you have to let go before they press charges.
Anybody want to get beer and watch the boxing match tonight followed by the Yankees game tonight...Gadfly if your home from Boston this means you...

Freak(s) of the Week

I'm not shocked by the fact that these particular residents of Brooklyn were somehow playing telephone and got the wrong idea about what really happened before they started rioting. In fact I'm not surprised they rioted at all...nothing surprises me anymore. But why do people always riot in their own neighborhood? Why do they set their own neighborhood ablaze? They attack police officers trying to restore order? They fire bomb police patrol cars? And then they have the absolute nerve to act shocked when the police react...and the police only arrested three people during this most current riot in Brooklyn (always these same PARTICULAR residents of Brooklyn involved?) In my opinion, they are lucky that the police didn't take a night stick to every single person out in the street...but instead they remain incredulous. Somehow, I think it would have gone a little differently in a black neighborhood.










"They treated us like we were dangerous," said Yidi Klein, 31. "It was like the middle of the war, but they made the mess."









How can you be so ignorant? You weren't dangerous? You were setting fires, attacking police, and fire bombing vehicles...sounds like the work of terrorists. Can you say delusional?









See Link in title for whole story:
Schick allegedly refused to turn over his documents. "He started yelling, 'What are you going to do?' " the police source said. Witness Haskel Rosenfeld, 29, said he didn't see any mishandling of Schick.
"Four police put him in handcuffs, walked him down the block and put him in a car," Rosenfeld said. "The police had left, and during that time, people lit fires."

Some say the devil is dead...

Some say the devil is dead, the devil is dead, the devil is dead,

Some say the devil is dead and buried in Killarney

More say he rose again, more say he rose again, more say he rose again,

and joined the British army...

Oh wait, that's the wrong devil. But since the the good old JD has been conspicuously absent from these pages for a while, it was only natural that whisperings concerning his fate should start circulating. What else could possibly keep him from sharing his wisdom with us on a regular basis? It would seem that he has joined other legendary figures either in death or in self-imposed exile. Amelia Earhart, Jim Morrison, and now, perhaps the Jersey Devil.

Like all tragic pop cultural icons who disappear under mysterious circumstances, his uncertain fate has spawned an outbreak of JD related merchandise. Books are being written, benefit concerts planned, and albums produced. There may even possibly be a reunion tour by former Jersey boys From Good Homes held in his honor. The true indication of his impact is the recent release of a video game bearing his name and likeness. But will the masses who gobble up the crass comercialization of the JD truly appreciate all that he has meant to those who knew him? Can he succeed in preserving a dignified legacy where so many others have failed?

Even now, somebody claiming to be the JD has resurfaced, making comments about being denied access to a certain baseball-themed blog. Is this truly the Jersey Devil, or just some kerwin looking to cash in on his fame? Have the rumors of his untimely demise been greatly exaggerated? There is only one way to find out. JD, when you get home from work today, put on your JOHNNY DAMON jersey and watch the Yankees. Maybe having a real ballplayer wearing #18 will inspire you, somehow...